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Tales about the 12 Apostles Tour usually start with an overexcited visitor going on & on about limestone stacks & the drama of the ocean view — but let me give it to you straight — a lukewarm servo pie and a dodgy AC was all that got me through my first trip down the Great Ocean Road.

I’m Paul Beames, and if you’re planning a trip that way , you’re probably after some no-nonsense tips — not just sugar-coated travel hype . You’re staring down the barrel of one of Australia’s most overdone coastal itineraries, so just turning up is not enough — the trick is to beat the rush, the weather, the road and whoever’s blocking traffic because they’re terrified of corners.

Every trip along the Great Ocean Road throws up a new challenge — a road closed apparently "out of the blue", a gust of wind that'll shake your car and make you wonder if it's going to stay on the road, or a bakery taking its "day off" very seriously "just because". But you can handle all that with a bit of planning . I’ve been shepherding thousands of travellers along this coastline through Get Lost Travel Group over the years, and the ones who had the best time were the ones who turned up with a simple, watertight plan .

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